I've always felt different, out of place. Most of my life I've felt like I didn't exactly fit in. In God's sense of humor, which I believe He has, He made me the one sister out of seven brothers. He made me the oldest. Try being the role model when seven other siblings are goofing off. It makes you look like you're the 'fun damper' as we called it. Everywhere we went as a family, everyone would stare at the ten of us: Dad, Mom, and us eight kids following them in stair-step heights, cookie cutter look-alikes (because everyone always says we all look alike). We had a good time though. We liked having fun and being a family and being on the inside while everyone else was on the outside. (Although, there were lots of times when we would let other people in on the inside and let them be part of our family too.)
That wasn't the only thing that made me different. I was homeschooled. Now, don't get me wrong, I've met lots of people that surprised me by saying they were homeschooled. I would've never guessed it. But, there's also this stereo-type of how homeschoolers are. You all know what I'm talking about, so I won't go into it. But, for a while, that was me. I dressed differently, and I was shy. I fit in with some other homeschoolers, but not with the rest of the world. I liked being homeschooled, and I'm still glad I was homeschooled, but it was something that made me different, especially back then when homeschooling was even less popular than it is today. After a while, I figured out how to dress better (although, I still wouldn't say I'm trendy, but that's probably just me. There are some homeschoolers who do have an eye for fashion and fit in great socially). For my Junior year, I attended a Christian school, but I didn't fit in like the popular people and everyone else who had been there since kindergarten. To this day, however, I still feel different from those who went to public school, because I didn't have that experience. I did take Driver's Ed at the public school and went half-days to a Career Center my Senior year, so I can somewhat relate. Looking back, it wouldn't have been any better going to public school, because I am a Christian, and what is taught there is the opposite of Christianity.
Even at church for a long time I didn't feel like I fit in. Why? Well, for one thing there were a whole bunch of boys (go figure, since half of them were my brothers!) and there weren't very many girls my age. Although I could just about keep up with any of them on the soccer field, I wasn't one to be close friends with guys. I was friends with some of the girls for a while, but I was a follower. Eventually our interests grew apart, so I was kind of left off to the side. I was pretty quiet too, so if no one pursued me and talked to me, I just listened to everyone else, sometimes feeling very lonely. My parents kept encouraging me though. I remember my mom pointing out to me once that I couldn't just wait around for things to happen or they might never happen. So, instead of waiting to be invited over, I had friends over to my house. When I was feeling like a lonely wall-flower at church or anywhere else, I looked for someone else who looked like they needed a friend. I reached out to other people. I no longer felt lonely, and my new friends no longer felt that way either. Now being in a different country, I have to put that into practice all the time. One would expect that being the new person, others would reach out to you. Well, sometimes that doesn't happen. I am thankful now, that God prepared me for being used to being the one to take the first step to talk to people. Never would I have imagined as a shy homeschooler, that I and my husband would end up sharing in dozens of churches I've never been to, about the ministry God laid on our hearts, and only in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that God would bring me to a different country to learn two cultures and languages in order to reach out to a people that have yet to understand His gospel.
What has 'always being different' taught me? Reach out! Instead of waiting for others to reach out to me, I need to reach out to them. Wait, isn't that basically what Jesus said to do? "GO therefore and make disciples of all nations...." (see Matthew 28:18-20). Usually people don't come knocking on our doors asking us to share the Gospel with them, so we're the ones who have to reach out to them.
'Always being different' is also a constant reminder for me that as Christians, we're not supposed to fit in with the world. In John 17:14-15, Jesus prays, "I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one." How did Jesus feel here on earth? He said that He didn't even have a place to lay his head (see Matthew 8:20). As Christians, our homeland is a heavenly one (see Hebrews 11:13-16). It is only there that we will no longer be different.
So, now I live in a different country, and everyone still always looks at me, because I'm white, I'm blonde, I have a cute white baby, I talk funny, and I'm obviously not really from here. Within the next year or so, hopefully, after finishing learning Portuguese and about the mainstream culture here, we will be moving to a people group that has yet to understand the Gospel in their own language. We will have to learn their language and culture. I will again be different.
As I sat there in the waiting room, it was as if God suddenly brought to my mind, "If you weren't always different before, it would be that much harder for you to be different now." As I thought this over, a feeling of thankfulness grew in my heart. I am thankful to the Lord for allowing me to be different. In His mercy, He knew that this would be a necessary step in bringing me to where I am today.
Sometimes it's okay to be different, if it is for the right reasons.